Why do efforts fail to produce results when dealing with stress?
We often make a lot of effort to calm down. But we do not work with the real cause of chronic stress. In this case, client V. could not improve his sleep for six months and was constantly irritated despite meditation, yoga, and magnesium supplements.
The client. Who is V., and what was bothering him?
V. – 39 years old, head of the department, used to working for results.
Problems that bothered him for six months:
– poor sleep
– constant irritation at work
– difficult communication with subordinates.
More details: V. could not fall asleep for a long time and woke up tired in the morning. He arrived at work already nervous, and this tension increased during the day.
Conflicts at work with subordinates arose due to misunderstandings – employees began to “not hear” V., and therefore performed work tasks incorrectly. This has already started to affect the department’s performance.
Anastasiia: What made you try my Stress Resilience course?
V: I realized that I was spending a lot of time trying to overcome stress, but it wasn’t getting better. So I was doing something wrong. I decided to speak to a specialist. I read your posts sometimes, and decided to try it.
What has the client tried to cope with stress, and why didn’t it help?
Before the course, V. tried the following methods to reduce stress:
- gym
- yoga
- meditation with an app
- magnesium supplements
- leadership books for managers
- assign additional 1:1 with subordinates
These methods improve overall stress resistance, and I recommend that everyone implement them in their lives to improve their mental health.
However, it didn’t have a significant effect, because the real cause of stress was not found.
What was the real cause of chronic stress?
Having investigated V.’s situation, we revealed an underlying problem in the relationship with his wife.
Every evening, the couple used to have an intense emotional fight over minor occasions.
Quarrels turned out to be the main factor in V.’s chronic stress, which led to poor sleep and irritability at work. It looked like this: quarrel in the evening – poor sleep at night – irritable in the morning because he didn’t get enough sleep – problems at work – even bigger quarrel in the evening…
At work, V. communicates a lot with people and makes responsible decisions. Therefore, after work, he needed some time to be in silence. In contrast, his wife waited for the evening to chat about the day and spend time together. That was the essence of the conflict!
By the way, any conflict causes an automatic stress reaction (release of stress hormones and all other effects).
How did we work on the problem?
- Analyzed stress reactions
- Created an action plan on how to negotiate effectively with the wife and subordinates
- Focused on reducing conflicts in the family
Format: course of individual sessions Stress Resilience online.
What changed after 12 sessions?
+ Improved sleep: fewer awakenings, easier to fall asleep
+ Fewer quarrels and better communication with the wife
+ Reduced irritation at work, the problem with communication with subordinates disappeared
Conclusion: How to find the real cause of stress?
- If standard advice on reducing stress does not work for a long time, it is worth stopping and rethinking the situation. Look at it more broadly.
- Look for the “real target” that triggers unpleasant emotions, not just superficial (on surface) or obvious symptoms.
- Consider all areas of life: work, family, relationships, health, habits, past experiences, values and goals, spirituality, etc.
What are we working on next with V.?
- Minimize quarrels at home.
- How to stop yelling at children.
- How to switch off the head after work.